Shame In Christina (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} shameinyou) wrote,@ 2009-06-04 18:29:00 |
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I'm in love, and I am dreaming of the future
I am so confused, but I know I have said this alot, but I am going back here to write i can't write anything anywhere lese without people finding out, so here I am.
I have a SOOOOO much going on since the last time I talked and I know I am going to get new journal friends, but I can be totally honest here, as long as Pual doesn't find it, but he doesn't have internet access, he doesn't know about this website and mos5t the really bad one a friends only anyway. So haha.
OK, so here it goes. Paul wants me to have his baby, and I really do want to do it. i love him and I have never wanted to have children with anyone else, I guess what I fear, besides not having alot of money is leaving my comfy home. I want to have a nice home when me and Paul move in with each other, with food in the fridge and TV and cable and a phone you know, the stuff that makes you feel homey. And I really, really want to mary him. I don't want to live with him for years and never get married. My dream is to have a wedding with a fun party and a dress on my that makes Paul cry when he sees me. I know I said before I liked Jason and I miss him so much as a friend but in all I was drawn to him because I could vent to him and he could make me laugh. I hope maybe one day we can be friends again, but anyway back to the other stuff. OK in all honesty I want to get engaged, I want a family, I want a future with each other forever. I know I am suppoed to be with him. hes my soulmate. I just worry that he doesn't want to do that I know that I could get family to help with the costs of the wedding and help wit the baby. I can't believe that I am feeling this way. I never thougt I'd find someone who I wanted to have kids with and marry, but Pual makes me feel like I can't even explain. I hope that one day soon, he wants the same things that I want. Well I know he does but I don't want to do it today or anything but within the next year. I just want us to start5 our forever with each other. I know that he is where I am supposed to be. he is amazing to be and the best person I have ever met. I just hope all my dreams come true.
I am so confused, but I know I have said this alot, but I am going back here to write i can't write anything anywhere lese without people finding out, so here I am.
I have a SOOOOO much going on since the last time I talked and I know I am going to get new journal friends, but I can be totally honest here, as long as Pual doesn't find it, but he doesn't have internet access, he doesn't know about this website and mos5t the really bad one a friends only anyway. So haha.
OK, so here it goes. Paul wants me to have his baby, and I really do want to do it. i love him and I have never wanted to have children with anyone else, I guess what I fear, besides not having alot of money is leaving my comfy home. I want to have a nice home when me and Paul move in with each other, with food in the fridge and TV and cable and a phone you know, the stuff that makes you feel homey. And I really, really want to mary him. I don't want to live with him for years and never get married. My dream is to have a wedding with a fun party and a dress on my that makes Paul cry when he sees me. I know I said before I liked Jason and I miss him so much as a friend but in all I was drawn to him because I could vent to him and he could make me laugh. I hope maybe one day we can be friends again, but anyway back to the other stuff. OK in all honesty I want to get engaged, I want a family, I want a future with each other forever. I know I am suppoed to be with him. hes my soulmate. I just worry that he doesn't want to do that I know that I could get family to help with the costs of the wedding and help wit the baby. I can't believe that I am feeling this way. I never thougt I'd find someone who I wanted to have kids with and marry, but Pual makes me feel like I can't even explain. I hope that one day soon, he wants the same things that I want. Well I know he does but I don't want to do it today or anything but within the next year. I just want us to start5 our forever with each other. I know that he is where I am supposed to be. he is amazing to be and the best person I have ever met. I just hope all my dreams come true.
